twelve phds in tattoos
by SunMoonAndSpoon
Summary: Rin goes with Rei to get his first tattoo. He tries to be supportive while Rei tries to pretend he doesn't need support. Bickering and friendship drama commences.


Nana: Hello everyone! This story is about Rei getting a tattoo and Rin going with him. I wrote it because it's been about a year since I got my first tattoo, and I have a family full of tattoo'd people, so the subject has always been interesting to me. I feel like Rei would get a tattoo because of his feelings about beauty and aesthetics, but might approach it in a regimented sort of way, and I was interested in how that would work out and how Rin would respond to it. This may not be a completely accurate description of how getting a tattoo works in Japan, since my research unfortunately didn't turn up much, other than that tipping with money is frowned upon, but people sometimes give gifts.

Also, yes, the names _Akatsuki, Yahiko, _and _Konan_ are totally Naruto references. My sister and I have an AU RP thing where they run a tattoo parlor, so I thought it would be fun. You do not need to know anything about these characters or Naruto to understand the story!

* * *

twelve phds in tattoos

by SunMoonAndSpoon

the original ray's pizza: Rin-san, I have decided to get a tattoo.

shark stomp party frog: oh really now. what brought you to this conclusion. also ray's pizza?

the original ray's pizza: Nagisa-kun changed my Skype handle! He saw several pizzerias under that name during his semester abroad in America. Shark Stomp Party Frog doesn't make any more sense, so don't criticize me. Anyway, yes. I've made up my mind.

shark stomp party frog: but what about all your research~? didn't you decide tattoos were unhygienic and socially stigmatized~? don't you want to be a respectable member of japanese society?

the original ray's pizza: Yes, but I've decided to throw caution to the wind. My primary concern is beauty, and I think I would be far more beautiful with a tattoo.

shark stomp party frog: ok nerdbreath. what kind of tattoo?

the original ray's pizza: A butterfly overlaying a full moon.

shark stomp party frog: is that a sailor moon reference.

shark stomp party frog: you're such a goddamn magical girl.

shark stomp party frog: you need me to go with you?

Tsukino Usagi: Yes, that would be lovely, thank you Mamoru.

* * *

Rin holds up a hand for a high-five, which Rei gives, clumsily. They're standing outside Akatsuki Tattoo Parlor, which Rei insisted on traveling an hour and a half to get to, because the local place got bad reviews on Yelp. It's pouring rain and Rin's umbrella keeps getting flipped inside out by the wind. He didn't bring a rain coat because he's stupid. Rei, of course, is wearing one of those high-tech slickers that shuns all liquid, and his sturdy red umbrella is completely unharmed.

"Before we go in, just checking, are you _sure _about this?" Rin arches an eyebrow. "I don't want you doing this if you're going to regret it later."

"I've thought about it extensively. I've done my research, and I've made a list of pros and cons, which I can show you if you'd like. I'm absolutely certain." He adjusts the strap on his messenger bag, turns around to open the door. "We shouldn't stand out in the rain, especially with you not properly dressed." Rin follows him inside. They stash their umbrellas by the door, Rei complaining that there's no basket to put them in.

The place is oddly bright and cheery, with a bit of a space station vibe. The walls are white and the windows wide, and the benches are red and black with white moons on the seats. The clean walls are covered in photos of tattoos, but most of them are work the artist has done before, rather than generic flash art. This isn't what Rin expects out of a tattoo shop, but he figures that's why Rei picked it out.

A blue-haired woman with heavy makeup and a tattoo of windblown stack of paper on her arm greets them at the door. She waves and says, "hey, I'm Konan. The artist is finishing up with a client, but he'll be with you in a minute. What brings you to Akatsuki?"

Rei shoves his glasses up his nose, then takes a sketchbook out of his messenger bag. Haru's sketchbook, which means it's probably filled with waterfalls and Iwatobi-chans. "I'd like to get a tattoo, please," he says. Flips the sketchbook open to the full moon and butterfly design. The lines are intricate and precise, and the colors are expertly applied. Rin can't draw for shit, so he tries not to feel jealous that Rei asked Haru to do this instead of asking him.

Nodding, Konan says, "alright. Where do you want it?"

"On my left scapula."

Rin raises an eyebrow. "What the hell is a scapula?"

"A shoulder blade! Rin-san, I'm surprised you don't know that, considering the high-quality education you received at Samezuka."

"Isn't that the name of the bone though? Can you call the flesh part a scapula?"

"I...I think so?" Rei's face crumples a bit, making Rin feel guilty. Rei does this shit all the time—trying to sound superior and intelligent when he has no goddamn idea what he's talking about or what's going on. He's never been anywhere near a tattoo parlor in his life and he's probably terrified. Rin smiles at Rei, then tells Konan that he wants it on his left shoulder blade. Konan nods, then asks to see ID.

Rei seems relieved at this—to Rin, it's just a pain in the ass. He's obviously older than 20, and half the time he leaves his ID in the pocket of a pair of pants he didn't wear that day. Whatever, if Rei's happy about it, that's all that matters. He's the one getting the tattoo. Rei presents his ID with a flourish, grinning so hard you can see his gums. Konan nods, then hands him some forms to sign. Once that's taken care of, she says she's going to take the design and go make a stencil.

"Hmm...the article I read said that payment is typically taken _before _they make the stencil. Should I remind them about the payment?" His brows are knitted again.

Rin sighs, rubs the back of his neck. "No, they'll definitely ask you to pay for it. Believe me, that's the last thing they're going to forget. Just sit down and relax, alright?" Rin plunks himself down on the moon bench in by the window, and pats the space next to him. Once Rei's sitting down Rin says, "not everything happens the way whatever stupid article you read says it will, okay? These guys run their own business, they're going to do it however they want to do it."

"Well, that's fine, but what if _the way they want to do it _includes things like using dirty needles?" He presses his lips together, gnaws on a loose scrap of skin.

"That's not going to happen because that's fucking illegal. They're not going to get shut down if they take your payment after they give you your tattoo, but they will get shut down if people start getting diseases." Rin tilts his head toward Rei. "Dude, you need to chill. Are you _sure _you want to go through with this?"

"I'm beginning to have my doubts."

Rin is about to say _"let's leave" _but before he can, a red-haired man with a lip ring, presumably the tattoo artist, breezes out of the back room, a customer in his wake. On her arm is a tiger stuffing its face with birthday cake. She's grinning at it, telling the artist that it's perfect and just what she wanted. She slips a few bills into the tip jar and skips out, braid bouncing against her back. Yahiko nods toward Rei. "Let's do this," he says. "This way."

"If you're going to back out, you'd better do it now," says Rin. Rei ignores him, and strides into the back room with his fists clenched. Rin rolls his eyes and follows him.

The back room is just as cheerful and bright as the front room, the only difference is a door. Rin had been expecting something a bit grungier, but since he's pretty sure that would have made Rei uncomfortable, he's glad it's not the case. The artist introduces himself as Yahiko, then tells Rei to take off his shirt and lay down on the padded black tattoo table. Rin takes the folded shirt, and sits down on a nearby bench. This is going to take a while and he's not exactly looking forward to waiting around for hours, but he promised Rei he'd stick it out. Besides, it's not like he minds looking at Rei without his shirt on.

"I shaved the area before I arrived," says Rei. "Hopefully that will save you some time."

"Cool, but we gotta do it again anyway. Just in case you missed a spot." Rei nods, and says he appreciates Yahiko's thoroughness. "Just doing my job," he says.

The shave-job isn't as thorough as Rin would like, and if Rei could see it he wouldn't be happy about it either. There are stray hairs scattering Rei's skin like grass in dead winter ground. The metaphor can be carried further—Rei needs some goddamn moisturizer. He doesn't say anything to Yahiko, a few hairs don't matter and he doesn't want Rei getting agitated. Once the shaving's done, the stencil is placed and the tattoo traced. Rei likes it but wants it slightly lower on his back, so the whole thing has to be done over again. "I'm terribly sorry," says Rei. "I don't want to inconvenience you."

"Not a problem," says Yahiko. "I'd rather take a few extra minutes to get it right then have you hate it in the end. I'm going to start the actual tattoo now, you ready?" Rei nods, gripping the table's edges with white knuckles. He asks if the needles are clean, and Yahiko confirms that they are. Rei doesn't seem entirely convinced. Rin tells him to relax, knowing full well that just saying "relax" won't accomplish anything, but not knowing what else to say. He raps Rei's knuckles with his own, and flashes a grin. Rei smiles back, then immediately starts frowning again.

Tattoo gun to naked flesh. Rei's eyes scrunch shut, and his lips curl inward. Rin sits in silence, not wanting to interrupt the tattoo artist while he's doing the delicate line-work. Rei starts gnawing on his lip. Rin whips out his phone and texts Makoto.

shark stomp party frog: yooo. i'm with rei getting his tattoo. he's freaked out...what should i say to calm him down?

rest in piece ran's nose: aww! is he okay?

shark stomp party frog: yeah it's just his _research _isn't panning out so he think they're going to murder him with dirty needles or some shit idk. also he's getting the tattoo rn and it hurts.

rest in piece ran's nose: not much u can do tbh. maybe try telling him about ur tattoo? like...it hurt and it was scary but in the end u had an awesome tattoo?

shark stomp party frog: actually getting my tattoo felt amazing.

rest in piece ran's nose: u can lie

shark stomp party frog: what happened to ran's nose?

rest in piece ran's nose: she accidentally snorted a mountain dew cheeto

"You doing okay Speedo Glasses?" asks Rin. The nickname is wearing thin at this point—Rin hasn't actually seen Rei wearing a speedo in years—but he figures the familiar will be reassuring just now. Rei replies with a grunt and a nod. He's holding his breath, sweat trickling down his forehead. "Dude, just ask Yahiko to stop if you need it, okay? You can take breaks."

"Yeah, breaks are totally fine," says Yahiko. "Just say the word." The tattoo gun buzzes away, and Rei grits his teeth. There's no way this idiot is going to ask for a break. Rin's just going to half to watch his face and tell the tattoo artist when he thinks Rei's at his breaking point. Which is basically impossible because Rei's emotional map is not like Rin's at all. What looks like stubbornness might be real strength, and what looks like strength might be bullheaded stupidity. Maybe he should just take Makoto's advice.

He sighs. He's not going to be able to lie about this. Rin's first tattoo, a shark on his left thigh, had made him nervous. He was worried that it would hurt, but he went through with it anyway. It hadn't hurt—actually he'd been a little turned on, which meant he had to kill a potential boner by thinking how pissed he was at Haru for not paying his share of the bill last time they got dinner. It had been awkward, and he was nervous, but it hadn't _hurt_. Rei is biting his lip. Rei is doing breathing exercises. His face is sweaty and knotted with pain, and they've been doing this for what? Ten minutes? It would hurt less if he could calm down.

Rin can't lie, and he doesn't know how to give a pep talk. So he grabs Rei's wrist and flops it around, then says, "hey Yahiko, what's the stupidest tattoo you've ever had to give anybody?" Hopefully whatever it is will make Rei feel better about his decision. Yahiko smiles, and says he'll talk about it once he's done with the line-work.

The line work takes about forty minutes. Rin probably asks Rei twenty times if he thinks he needs a break, and every time Rei shakes his head, no, no, no shut up already _no_. "Rin-san, I'm fine!" he snaps.

"Okay, you don't have to get all pissy about it, fuck..." Rin stares at his phone.

Softer, this time, Rei says, "I appreciate your concern, but you are being overbearing. I am fully capable of pacing this without help."

"If you don't need help them why the hell am I even here?" snaps Rin. Knowing this is a stupid question, but still somehow unable to stop the words from shooting out of his mouth. He's just barely on good terms with his old friends, trying to get as close as he can without overstepping, without fucking things things up for Rei. The reason for going with him was that he had experience with getting tattoos, but he isn't helping. He doesn't have any experience with getting a tattoo while being Rei.

No, the real reason was to get closer, because Rei had the power to reunite him with his friends. He may have the power to tear them apart again.

That's stupid. This idiot boy sweating and shaking on the tattoo table isn't going to do anything to Rin. They're in college now, years away from high school bullshit. Rei couldn't fuck things up if he wanted to. Besides, Rin likes Rei, specifically and genuinely, as a person, not a key or pawn. That's why he's here. He shakes his head, presses his spine against the wall. Sharp tooth curled around his lower lip. Finally, he says, "sorry, dude." And keeps watching as Rei shuts his eyes and tries to handle the pain.

Finally, Yahiko says he's finished the line work and can talk. "So, you wanted me to tell you some tattoo horror stories?" Rin nods, and so does Rei. Rin grins, pleased that he's found a way to distract him, even if it's pulling words out of someone else's mouth. "Okay, this is one of my favorites. This one guy wanted a memorial to his dog who passed away. Which is sweet, but instead of getting a paw print or the dog's name or a picture or something, he wanted a hyper-realistic pile of dog shit, topped with flies. The dogs name and the dates of birth and death printed under it. He wanted it right in the middle of his chest." Yahiko smirks, shakes his head. "He said all his dog ever did was shit on the floor, so it was fitting. Of course, a week later he comes back wanting it covered up with a paw print, which I can't do until it's fully healed."

Rin cackles, while Rei scoffs and says that he can't believe anyone would make such a disgusting, thoughtless choice. "Dude, people come in here with no plan whatsoever. I cannot even tell you how many drunk kids come in wanting flash tattoos. I have to kick them out. My daughter's best friend once came in asking for a dragon on her face. I called her mom and now she hates me. Adults do this too. Some lady came in demanding I tattoo the Canadian flag on her butt, because apparently that was the only symbol aliens would recognize when they invaded. I have no idea why Canada." Yahiko shrugs. "Somebody wanted me to tattoo an open Death Note on his back, and then list everyone he'd ever fucked. I sent him somewhere else. Another guy wanted the dictionary definition of the word _wenus. _The world is a fascinating place." After a moment of silence he says, "don't worry, I won't be telling other customers about how ridiculous _your _tattoo is. It's nice."

"Of _course _it is!" trills Rei, grin trailing across his lips. "The design is _beautiful_. I came up with the idea, and I asked my very talented artist friend to draw it out for me. It's sophisticated and visually pleasing, and there's nothing weird about it. How could you even _think _of comparing it to a pile of dog shit? That's ridiculous!"

"Glad you're happy with it." Yahiko laughs. "Okay, it's probably going to be another two hours or so. You hanging in there okay? Want to take a break?" Rei shakes his head. Rin shoves a water bottle in his face and tells him to drink, which, thankfully, he does without argument.

The rest of the process goes by without incident. Rei finally asks for a break thirty minutes in, giving him time to breathe and drink more water. Rin wants to yell at him for not asking for a break sooner, but he decides there's no point and lets it go. Rei looks like he's ready to puke, so Rin just shoots him a sympathetic look. Later, Rin tries to start a conversation about swimming techniques, but Rei can't focus and hardly replies. After two hours of fucking around on his phone and texting Sousuke, he hears, "finished!"

He looks up from his phone and sees Rei holding a mirror toward another mirror so that he can see his new tattoo. Grinning violently. "Turn around, let me see." Rei spins around, arms outstretched in ballerina mockery.

The tattoo, a delicately inked purple and gold butterfly floating in front of a full moon and a sunset sky, is...well, there's no other word for it but Rei's favorite word, _beautiful. _Rin smiles. "It's perfect for you," he says, lining up his phone to take a picture. "Seriously, it looks amazing. Worth the pain?"

"Absolutely! It didn't hurt that much." Rin rolls his eyes, and says he's sending the pictures to Haru and the others. Yahiko takes a picture of his own after getting Rei's permission, stating that he needs it for his portfolio. When the photo-session ends, the tattoo gets bandaged like a wound, and Rei puts his shirt back on. He stares at Yahiko expectantly, adjusting his glasses. Yahiko busies himself with cleaning the equipment. After a few seconds of giving Yahiko the stink eye, Rei clears his throat and says, "could you explain a little about aftercare instructions...?"

"Oh yeah, sure. Just wanted to give you a couple minutes before I started ranting at you. So basically, you have to take care of it like it's a wound..." From there, he gives a detailed, if slightly rambling set of guidelines, which Rei writes down despite being given a pamphlet. "Okay, looks like we're all done here." Rei's eyes widen, his shoulders stiffen. "Konan will take care of your payment in the other room."

His shoulders relax. He thanks Yahiko, and takes a small, neatly wrapped package out of his bag. It's a box of cookies from a fancy French bakery Rin passed on the way here. He hands it to Yahiko, who laughs and says, "aww, you didn't have to do that. Nice of you though, thanks! Konan will love these."

"Come on doofus," says Rin, pulling him into the front room. "We gotta go show Nagisa and the others, they'll flip."

"Haruka-senpai might be angry that I won't be able to swim for a few weeks," says Rei.

"Didn't he design the thing for you? I'm sure he's fine with you getting a tattoo. He came with me when I got mine, so I know he knows what it means about swimming. Anyway he's been wanting to get a dolphin tattoo for years now."

"He didn't mention that," Rei says, handing his debit card over to Konan. "That's a good idea though, he'd look great with a tattoo."

"Hey, since you're such an expert now, why don't you go with him when he finally gets around to it, huh?"

"Well, I wouldn't call myself an _expert..." _Rei adjust his glasses. Yeah, right. The nerd baby thinks he knows everything about tattoos.

Rin grins at him, says, "no, man, you're like the professor of tattoos. You have twelve PhDs in tattoos and you're about to become _the tattoo king." _He laughs, then says, "so, you're happy about this? No regrets or anything?" _Did I help you? _

"None whatsoever," says Rei, signing his receipt and handing it back to Konan. "Thank you, Rin-san, for accompanying me."

"Whatever, Buttnificant, what am I going to do, let you go by yourself and end up passing out on the tattoo table?"

"_Buttnificent? _Excuse me? What kind of a nickname is that?" Rei crosses his arms and glares pointedly at Rin. Rin grits his teeth, ready for Rei to get mad and for the whole day to go to shit over something stupid. "That's _Professor Future King Buttnificent _to you!" says Rei.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Your Highness, do forgive me." He bows grandly and picks up Rei's umbrella from where it's leaning against the door. "Here is your scepter," he says, handing it over. They get their jackets on and head outside, earning a confused look from Akatsuki's next nervous customer.


End file.
